Spring!

Yesterday Bella and I visited our lovely vet, Sharon Klintworth. Bella is a scaredy cat, and she is beyond terrified at the vet. She drools, she pants, she trembles from head to toe. A needle going in doesn't phase her, but she's petrified just being in the office. I found a gross looking lump on her back leg two days ago. Sharon aspirated it and looked at the cells under a microscope, but there was blood in the sample and she couldn't really be sure what it is. It doesn't hurt Bella and it's not stiff and unmoving, which she says is good. However...it may be melanoma. Melanoma? Dogs can get skin cancer? Isn't thick fur like Bella's enough sun protection? So, they have to remove it surgically and biopsy it, and while she's under I asked them to clean her teeth. She is afraid of the tooth brush. Breath bones help some, but her breath is not like springtime!! I hate thinking of how afraid she will be when something big actually does happen to her in that office. Something in her life before us was not right. She is scared of so many things. The first time I took her to the beach she cowered against my leg because the water scared her. She doesn't know she's as big as a small pony and as strong as one, too!

My dog had better not have cancer. That will make me pissed off at the universe.

After her traumatic experience, I took her on a walk around the Atascadero Lake. First we saw three does munching someone's lawn as we drove there. As we were walking we saw 8 turtles, all lined up in a row on a downed tree branch, catching some rays. We saw a red winged blackbird whose red spots looked like shoulder pads. We saw a beautiful white swan, dipping her head into the water to catch her lunch. We saw flowers blooming, parents walking with their babies, lots of dogs, lots of sun..it was so pretty! We both felt better afterward.

Casey is having a hard time right now. He has been dealing with our flooding basement 4 times a day for over a week. He has been working 7 days a week for a very long time. He has the stress of dealing with me and my cancer. He is too housebound. He needs a break in a big way. So, I found a hotel in San Francisco that is big enough for the three of us and I think I have convinced him to leave his computer behind and come with. The hotel is going to be amazing, I think. It has a full kitchen, so we can take food and not spend so much eating in restaurants. Each room is like an apartment and has a garage underneath, just for one car, and it's free! Most hotels in the City charge between $30 and $60 a day for parking, so that adds a lot to your bill. Right now Casey and I both need a break from the stress of dealing with our leaky house and a break from cancer.

So, once again, big BIG love to the women of Yoga Flirt. This is our Kicking Cancer Carnival get away that you women worked so hard to provide us with. I can tell how much I need it by how excited I am, and Casey needs it much more than I do. You can probably tell how much we needed it by how fast I started planning after the carnival!

Suddenly there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do. I run out of time, every day. It's a good thing...

I miss my classroom:

Namaste,

Jill

A Great Cookbook and a Trip

Yesterday a cookbook I ordered arrived. It's called The Fighting-CancerKitchen. It's the one I've been looking for! Many vegetarian and vegan cookbooks rely heavily on soy products for protein. I can't eat soy because my cancer is estrogen reactive, plus soybeans are a GMO crop. I am not interested in meat substitutes, I just want veggies, fruits, grains, beans, no processed sugar...this one is perfect. Maybe because it does have recipes with chicken and fish it doesn't rely on soy. Any recipe that uses sugar calls for blue agave syrup. I'm going to be using this one a lot. I don't know why everyone doesn't use one of the many alternatives to sugar there are out there. Yesterday at the Wellness Kitchen I asked Nancy what she uses for sugar and she showed me palm sugar, made from coconut. It's grainy like sugar and tastes like brown sugar - delicious. There are several sugar alternatives that are natural, unprocessed, and some, like stevia, are calorie free. We all know that the chemical sugar substitutes like aspartame are cancer causing. Why do they exist? Why does New Frontiers use processed, white sugar instead of a healthy alternative? Robin commented on yesterday's post that she has a vegan cake recipe. Send it to me, Robin!! Ellalina commented that Natural Harvest in Templeton has vegan cake mixes. I love that.

Sydney's spring break starts next week and she has two weeks off. She's had a difficult couple of years and she has spent every free weekend she could manage with me since September. I've been housebound for close to seven months, with the exception of the one night in Ventura. So, we are going to go to San Francisco together for a few days. I discovered last night, when insomnia was plaguing me until 2 am, that with the economy in a shambles there are lots of hotel deals. We are going to eat at vegan restaurants, go to museums, go to a Giant's game with Dani (Sydney's sister) and her family and sit in their private box! Cool. I should probably not be traveling between rounds of chemo, but I am getting cabin fever. This idea came to me when my friend Carla posted a picture of the view out of her hotel room in SF last week, and it was a gorgeous, sunny morning. I love the City. When you're from north of it, it's never San Francisco, it's simply "The City." Sydney and I have been lots of places together - Paris, Madrid - but we've never had a vacation in the City before. It wasn't insomnia last night, it was excitement. The flirts wanted Casey and I to take a vacation with some of the carnival proceeds. Well, I invited Casey but he declined. The two of us will go somewhere this summer, but for now Sydney and I need a getaway.

Carla and Susan, my friends from Eureka, want to meet in San Francisco when I'm finished with treatment. The plan is to meet at the Top of the Mark. This is still on, girls!! We'll plan when I know when I'm finished.

Delicious, yummy yoga with Cathy later this morning. Taking Bella to the vet about the weird looking growth on her back paw. Our vet is Dr. Sharon Klintworth, and she's wonderful. All of my dogs have loved her. She's another busy doctor who took the time to send me a personal note. I am just so impressed by people and their kindness.

This is me and my wonderful nurse Catherine,a day or two after my surgery in September. Catherine was my favorite of the nurses, who were all angels:

Namaste,

Jill

Vegan Experiments!

Eventually, I want to be able to "cook" raw, vegan food so well that Casey will enjoy it. There will be a learning curve. I look forward to taking some classes, but for now I am experimenting with recipes. I have a hard time giving up the sweets, but I know I can't eat processed sugar very often. White death, as my big brother calls it. Yesterday I made vegan ice cream and a vegan chocolate cake. Casey didn't like either of them. The cake was not a success. The batter stayed exactly like I left it with my rubber spatula, so it vaguely resembled a large pile of dog poop. It didn't taste too great, either. I really like the ice cream, myself. I made it in my blender and froze it in my Kitchen Aid ice cream attachment. The ingredients are simple: cashews, blue agave maple syrup, water, vanilla and unsweetened cocoa. Mix it all together, put it in the freezer and it actually looks like chocolate ice cream! I think it's pretty good. It's possible Casey might have liked it better if he hadn't seen the ingredients. He kept saying "where's the milk? How is this ice cream?"

I have learned to never say never in this life. I'm sure I will have real cake and ice cream on my birthday. I'm sure that once in awhile I'll have a glass of wine or a cocktail. I know I won't be able to eat 100% raw, and 80% may be difficult. I hear there's a vegan restaurant in Los Osos, and Colby Jack's does well with vegans, but restaurants could be tricky. I often wish there was a hippie enclave in the north county. Sydney is so lucky to live in Ventura with Mary's Secret Garden!! I know that, in order to keep this cancer away for good, I must change my habits.

It's a beautiful, sunny morning here in A-town. Yesterday it was gray most of the day so it's a welcome sight. Debbie brought me her students' entries in the AJHS writing contest, so today I get to read student writing and feel like a teacher for awhile! Grading is usually a chore, but it's all a part of missing the kids and I actually miss it. English teachers, by reading their students' papers, get a glimpse into their minds, lives and creative processes. Sometimes it's painful - we become experts at atrocious handwriting, for example - but often it is lovely. I love sharing our writing together. I write what they write, show them my messy process, and we all become closer. My favorite thing to teach, after Shakespeare, is poetry. I love reading and explicating poems with them, and I love when we write together. I love the boys whose mom's call me to say their son just can't write a poem. I don't grade poetry A,B,C,D,F - who wants to stifle their creativity? So, if your poem has what the assignment asked for, full credit. Sooner or later all of them write poetry, even the most reluctant boy. Many of them even share it in class. I have gobs of poetry I've written in class with my kids. Some of it's pretty good!

So, Tuesday. Maria is coming to clean our grubby house, I'm going to Cathy's noon yoga class where she's going to start teaching me how to do a tripod headstand, I'll take a walk in the sun with Casey and the dogs, and I have a lot of thank you notes to write. Hopefully I'll get my CA125 results today - 7!!! I feel happy.

My favorite dish from Tahiti, poisson cru, which is definitely NOT vegan:

I will always have to eat sushi and sashimi from time to time!!

Namaste,

Jill

Basking in the Glow

I woke up this morning, checked in with myself to see how I'm feeling today, and realized that I am basking in the glow of the Kicking Cancer Carnival. I have this warm, fuzzy feeling wrapped around my heart. Being the recipient of so much love and good will feels wonderful. It also feels good to be able to receive the love and the help. It makes my heart feel open and it makes me feel good about my friends and my community. It's a beautiful thing.

This afternoon I'll call to get my CA125 results. Cathy asked everyone to put me in their intention Saturday morning and to ask for that 7. I had a visual of 7's floating all around in the air in the studio. I have been visualizing it myself, all the time. Lucky number 7 and cancer gone forever.

On the Ovarian Cancer List Serve I'm a part of, one topic everyone tends to avoid is diet. Too controversial. People don't want to hear that changing their habits can make a difference. One of the women wrote last week about collapsing and having an ambulance come. She was at McDonald's when it happened. Another woman wrote "No one thing I eat gave me cancer and giving things up won't keep it from coming back." Many of the women say things like "My cancer is gone...for now."

I will never know why I got cancer. My diet was cleaner than most, but it was far from perfect. I do know that something in my body's environment let the cancer in and allowed it to return. If I want to be cured, I must change my environment. For me, that means becoming an 80% raw vegan. There are many studies that indicate that in order to keep from getting cancer or surviving, your body needs to be more alkaline than acidic, and you need to avoid foods that cause inflammation. Organic, raw, vegan food, juicing...you'd be astonished how many people have survived cancer by eating this way. I feel like a new purpose for my life has been revealed to me, and it involves spreading the word about how to cope with and survive from cancer. I don't know exactly what form this will take, but the feeling that it's inevitable is growing. The wise woman who pointed this path out to me three years ago was, of course, Cathy Weiss. I would not be surprised to discover that she is more than just my yoga angel, that she is, in fact, a real one. She is so wise and seems to be capable of doing anything she sets her mind to.

Another detoxing health tip is dry brushing. You use a natural bristle brush designed for this purpose, and every day you brush your skin prior to bathing. You start at the soles of your feet, and brush upward in a circular motion. It removes dead skin and detoxes. I've only been doing it for a few days and my skin is noticeably softer. I also have some REN bath oil that Sydney gave me for the bath. It's very yummy - the water gets all soft and fragrant but it doesn't leave the tub slippery. REN is a British company that makes natural, toxin free beauty products. Just like organic foods taste better and have more nutrients, natural beauty products smell better, feel better, and do more for you.

Writing this blog is one of the high points of my day. I crave the routine and it nourishes my soul. Next year my students will be writing a blog as a class assignment. I am brimming with ideas for my class next year, and I am missing my students and my classroom, so much. I feel like I'm homesick for room 18. PLEASE let the number be a 7. I need to finish treatment, get started on a major detox, and prepare to return to my life...my classroom, Yoga Flirt, evenings out...sounds like heaven to me.

I love this picture of David getting ready to go fishing and mom watching! This is from our trip to Moorea with Cate in August of 2009:

Namaste,

Jill

Kicking Cancer Carnival!

The Kicking Cancer Carnival was amazing. The Yoga Flirt girls really put together something fun and wonderful. After chemo Wednesday and Thursday and Friday in bed, I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to stay. I was expecting to do fine with the yoga, do as much as the intro to YF class as I could manage, come home for a few hours and return for the end. It was so fun and inspiring that I did both classes - 3 hours of exercise...not too bad for a chemo girl! - and stayed until the end. The best part was watching the Queen and her princesses perform, and I wasn't going to miss that!

It started at 9:15 with Cathy's yoga class. Casey had an "ah ha moment" when Cathy helped him to position his arm in one pose. He loved her class and I'm hoping I can get him to the studio on Tuesdays now! It was great to see me YF buddy, Sonja. Jana and Irene from AJHS (You will always be from AJHS, retired or not, Irene), Rob and Gabriella were there and several people I don't know. The yoga felt so good and made me feel better. I was a bit nauseous going into it, but yoga never fails to make me feel better. I probably would have had trouble making it through the day if we hadn't started with yoga. Next came the Into to Yoga Flirt class taught by Becca and Angela. Doing the warm up, which is awesome, and relearning the uturn and sugar spin made me long to get back into a Yoga Flirt class. I miss the fun, the excitement, the challenge, the camaraderie and the feeling of euphoria I have at the end of every class. I can't wait to get back into Yoga Flirt next fall!! The class was full and everyone had fun.

Next came the carnival. People were coming and going throughout this part of the day, but there were always women there, having fun. The games were awesome. I especially loved when someone would ring the gong, which cost 4 tickets, Angela would count down and all of the flirts, in unison, would say "cancer sucks!" and do a sexy YF move together, reminiscent of the bend and snap in Legally Blond. Love it! I got to wear a pink crown and a tutu! The silent auction and the raffle were awesome and people left with some cool items. The Wellness Kitchen did the food, so there was delicious soup and potato salad, plus cookies shaped like high heels. Oh, and a popcorn machine, too! Cathy's wonderful husband, Michael, sat outside all day and sold tickets and signed people in. He was under a sun shade in the rain, all day. What a great guy! Love you, Michael.

There were four of my former students there. Autumn, the flirt who did a fantastic job doing the PR and getting the word out to the media, was in my class in 7th grade. Love her - thanks, Autumn! Brook came with her mom, Debbie, who is a level 7 flirt and a professional photographer. She was photographing all afternoon! Courtney came with her mom, and they both attended the intro class. Betian, who volunteered in my very first AVID class, came and she brought Destiny, another former student. Even though they are all over 18 and haven't been my students in awhile, I have been really missing my daily interactions with kids so seeing 4 of them yesterday made me very happy. Awesome to see you, Autumn, Brook, Courtney and Destiny!!

I think that every woman at the event who didn't know me introduced herself and wished me well. One woman brought me a picture her daughter colored for me when she told her where she was going. She even framed it! Another shared that she came because her mom died of cancer. Jean, who was briefly my sub this year, came and it was great to see her. Meghan was there, and we hadn't seen each other since the early days at Yoga in the Vines when she was pregnant. We both look different! Linda had to work but she took the time to stop by, give me a hug and buy some tickets, which she gave me. Marcie, my wonderful massage therapist and Becca's mom, came and got to see Becca do pole moves and dance for the first time! I think I may be able to convince Marcie to join me in level one!

I hope I'm not forgetting anything or anyone...it was a crazy, sexy, fun-filled day. The queen and her princesses all danced to a different Michael Franti songs, which was awesome and made me very happy. Michael's music is perfect for YF, with his sexy voice and lyrics. Angela did a great job shaking it!! I can't even express how much fun it is to watch these women dance. They do jaw dropping pole moves, and they just look so strong and sexy. Cathy has given us all something precious and wonderful, and we all love her for it, so much.

So, I was able to be at the carnival all day long and I took both classes. Not bad for someone who had had 8 rounds of chemo, and one just 3 days prior. I would not be this strong and able to do this were it not for Cathy, Jean, yoga, and Yoga Flirt. Jana said to me that I need to be a spokesperson for what yoga can do for you, and I agree. Everyone should practice yoga, in my opinion, but especially cancer patients. I wish every female cancer patient in the world could enroll in Yoga Flirt level one. They all can't, but if you are fortunate enough to live on the fabulous Central Coast, you can!!!!! I'll be starting over in level one in the fall. Who's up for joining me?

Gratitude, love, respect and hugs to everyone who planned, worked, donated, attended,
etc. I am, as usual, feeling blessed and very, very grateful.

Here I am this morning, still wearing my heart on my cheek and my Yoga Flirt tattoo on my chest:

Namaste,

Jill

More Blessings

The cancer blessings continue. The mom of a former student saw the article in the A-News and bought tickets to the fund raiser. I thanked her via email and she responded, saying I made an impression on her son and she's happy to contribute so I can continue my work. This morning I received an email from a former student who saw the article online. She lives in Denver, has 3 daughters and twin sons they adopted from Ethiopa. She told me she is inspired by my story and that I was one of her favorite teachers. I remember her clearly and was moved by her email. My cousin Becca called me yesterday and she and her husband went vegan after she read 20 pages of the Anti-Cancer book, and she went looking for a yoga studio. She says my blog changed her life. I never expected to be an inspiration to anyone, but it's very gratifying. I feel a bit like Tom Sawyer up in the tree, listening to his funeral. I have tangible evidence of how the people in my life love me. This touches me deeply and makes me feel very grateful.

Connections, gratitude, blessings. In addition to the pain, nausea, needles, chemo, ER visits...cancer has brought these blessings to my life. It has made me a better person. It has deepened my relationships. It has brought Casey and I even closer. It has deepened my yoga practice and my connection to my wonderful yoga teachers. It has even brought me closer to Bella, my beautiful dog. In spite of this awful disease, I feel happy. This may be the biggest weapon in my arsenal. Everyone out there who has helped us, and so many have...whether it's by sending me a card, mailing me books, bringing a meal, giving me private yoga classes, putting on a huge fund raiser, donating to or attending one of the fund raisers...each and every one of you has helped me to stay strong, to stay positive, and to stay happy through all of this.

I don't think I'll ever take any aspect of my life for granted again. Cancer teaches you what it really means to appreciate every day, every person in your life, every moment, and to count your blessings. It's better to focus on the things that are right in your life and to dwell on the things that are wrong. Chalk them up to lessons, learn from them, and be happy. Most of all, be happy. Tell the people who matter to you how you feel about them, all the time. In the words of JT: "Shower the people you love with love, tell them the way that you feel..." It feels good to do it and it feels good to be told!

Casey: My rock, my best friend, my love:

Namaste,

Jill

Feeling Famous :)

I have been feeling like a celebrity lately. Not that there's paparazzi at my door, but the Yoga Flirt Kicking Cancer Carnival is getting some attention. It started with the interview for the Santa Maria TV station. If you missed it, they gave us a pretty long segment, complete with Cathy teaching me a pole move, Cathy and I doing a bit of the YF warm up, and interviews with both of us...voiced over en Espanol!! Then Cathy and I were interviewed on KJUG Tuesday morning - it was fun to see the radio station and the people there were wonderful. Last Friday the Atascadero News contacted me with a few questions, and this Tuesday the writer, Aaron, came over to shoot pictures for the article. Bella and I ended up on the front page, with three more pictures on the second page. He did a great job, I think. I hope that lots of women come to the fund raiser and take the Yoga Flirt into class, see the demonstrations and fall in love with Yoga Flirt like I did. I want every woman to feel this sense of power, confidence and community. If you can't make it Saturday, sign up for the next Into class!

Chemo took 7 hours yesterday and wasn't too bad. I was grateful to have some delicious coconut soup from the Wellness Kitchen at home since I was so full of fluid it's hard to eat much. Last time I felt like I swallowed a basketball, this time I felt like I ate a full Thanksgiving dinner and about 5 pieces of pie!!

Speaking of the Wellness Kitchen, Marcie Lukasik is now giving massages there exclusively. Her massage room looks like a gorgeous bedroom in a Victorian home. I wanted to move into the bathroom and make it my home! Such a lovely setting. Marcie's massages are deeply relaxing and her knowledge of acupressure points is amazing. The hot stones are the best thing that ever happened to my neck and shoulders! I highly recommend a massage with Marcie. I came home feeling very relaxed and happy. Thanks, Marcie!

I have had some intense practices lately, with Lauren at the studio Sunday, with Jean and Rachel Monday, at Cathy's studio Tuesday. I know this is a big part of why my treatment is going so well. I am not really supposed to go to classes at a studio - I still need to avoid germs - but I figure the benefits outweigh the risks! My body feels sore and that feels great! Cathy is coming today for a class, and Jean is coming tomorrow. Saturday I am going to attempt both the yoga class and the intro to Yoga Flirt class at the fund raiser. That's 2 hours and 45 minutes, so we'll see how I do! I handled a two hour yoga workshop Sunday, so I'm hopeful! I'm so excited. It's going to be major fun!! Humbling and fun. Have to mentioned how grateful I feel, every day?

Have a wonderful Thursday and come to Yoga Flirt in SLO this Saturday!! 9:15 yoga for men and women, 11:00 Intro to Yoga Flirt, 12:30-5:30 carnival, silent auction, and instructor demos!!Everything after the yoga is women over 18 only. If you have been curious about Yoga Flirt but feel shy, this is the time to check it out!! The intro class is very fun and not at all threatening. The Queen and her Princess Flirts are amazing to watch - Cirque Du Soleil quality with awesome music and cheering flirts - very entertaining and inspiring. Local friends, please come!!

My beautiful Mommy and my gorgeous Niece in Tahiti August 2009:

Namaste and big love,

Jill