Poisoned Cake

It's Monday morning and this is the best I can expect to feel, not having had a treatment since Friday. I made it through half of a bagel before my stomach rebelled. Last night I ate a baked potato and then felt horrible for a few hours before my stomach settled down. I'm going to ask to see the doctor after my torture session this afternoon. I'm hoping he has some stronger medication or advice to get me through this. He said this treatment would take between 3-6 weeks, depending on how I tolerate it. Based on the first week, I'm hoping for 3. However...as awful as this is, it's not as bad as surgery. If this keeps me from having another surgery, it's worth it.

Another question I'd like answered is this: I have most of the risk factors for ovarian cancer, such as infertility, taking fertility drugs without conceiving, and menstruating early. Apparently the more times you ovulate the higher the risk. Fertility drugs force your body to ovulate more than normal. Did they know this twenty years ago, and if so why didn't my doctor tell me of the risk at the time? Another risk factor is if you pee a lot. When symptoms started showing up, the urologist asked me how many times a day I peed. I calculated 20-25. I was shocked to discover that 4-5 is normal. That's just not something you tend to discuss with other people. Why didn't my urologist or my gynecologist at the time know this was a sign of ovarian cancer? A CT scan and a CA125 2 or 3 years earlier would have made a hugs difference in how advanced the cancer was. This is why it's such a killer - most women are diagnosed at a late stage, like I was. Women, learn from my experience and pay attention to these things in yourself and in your daughters. Demand a scan and a CA125 if you have any doubts at all. The gynecologist I was seeing at the time wanted me to have a hysterectomy - he said that in his opinion, every woman should have one when she is past child bearing age or is infertile,because of the risk of ovarian cancer. I thought he was nuts - I sure wish I'd listened. I found a new doctor the day I was sitting across his desk from him and he said "Are you new patient or have I seen you before?" He had been my doctor for ten years. I found myself a new doctor, and she was fresh out of medical school. She discovered the cancer, and I was her first. She cried when she told Casey. She will never ask me if I'm a new patient!

I am in a better frame of mind than I was yesterday. As usual, my village rocks. I appreciate the supportive messages and emails. I realize I said something that was incorrect - I cried when I told Casey the cancer was back, and I cried when I told the teachers. So, three times...not too bad, considering. It's harder to stay positive when I'm in bed all the time and food makes me sick, but I can do it with the love and support of my friends.

Jean is coming this morning for some yoga, and I am hoping it works its usual magic and makes me feel good, or at least better. I have two privates with Jean and one with Cathy scheduled, and if anything can help, my yoga teachers can.

I now have to go to Twin Cities hospital to have my blood drawn every Monday. Radiation has more effect on blood counts than chemo. Apparently there are oncology nurses there who can access my port, but there's no way to tell how long it will take, so we'll have to go out twice today. I find myself wondering why the women on the Ovarian Cancer Alliance web site told me that radiation was easier for them compared to chemo, when it is so much harder on me. One woman said it was a "piece of cake" for her. My cake seems to be poisoned!

Namaste,
Jill