I'm going to try to stay up this morning long enough to write. After four days without a treatment, you'd think I'd feel at least a bit better. I actually feel worse. I have thrown up twice this week, so not my favorite thing to do. I am beginning to question the value of this treatment. Dr. Spillane (my wonderful oncologist) said to us "At some point we stop the treatment and let your immune system take over the fight." This makes good sense to me. The radiation is destroying my immune system, it's making me physically weak (I canceled yoga twice last week), and it is weakening my spirit. I don't feel well enough to read, and that has always been my salvation. Too much TV is not good for the spirit. I think maybe it's time for my immune system to take over, but Casey really thinks I should stick this out.
When I finish the radiation, Dr. Spillane gave me a drug that inhibits estrogen. It will make my menopausal symptoms worse, but there has been some success in using it to keep ovarian cancer at bay. I'll trade hot flashes for vomiting any day.
Dr. Oz did a show last Thursday on Ovarian cancer. If you missed it, you can watch it on his site. I recommend you do. Apparently he did a similar show a few years ago and women went to their doctors and got a diagnosis based on what he told them. I wish I'd seen it. He confirmed what I've been hearing, which is that all ovarian cancer started in the fallopian tubes. While it seems the more times you ovulate the higher your risk, young girls and women with multiple pregnancies get it, too. They say being on the pill for at least 5 years reduces your risk by 50%, but women who have been on the pill for years get it, too. It's the 4th killer of women in the U.S., yet very little is known about it.
Anyway. I'm going to attempt to walk around the block with Casey and the dogs this morning. I'm going to hope my breakfast stays down. I'll inevitably end up back in bed, watching my Google TV and trying not to go out of my mind with boredom. I feel best in bed, and I don't feel like doing anything. I'm working really hard on keeping my spirits up and staying positive. Throughout this journey, I have not really had to work at it before this. This is why I'm thinking radiation may be doing more harm than good.
Send some of your love and positive thoughts Casey's way. This is really hard on him. He is having to make all the meals, do all the dishes, grocery shopping, dog care, work full time...and try to find some time for himself. He is a prince and I can't imagine doing this without him.
Namaste,
Jill
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As physical as this battle is, the emotional part is the most difficult!
ReplyDeleteI can attest to the validity of that. While I never battled cancer,
I still battled. You NEED to allow yourself to be weak. Emotionally
Weak. Casey is shouldering a burden but his biggest burden
Is the possibility of losing you. That consideration is painful and yet, you will
Make decisions based on your own feelings. I know I have mentioned to
You before that you may want to try the acupuncture again. The nausea and the
Spiritual benefits are proven. Jill, have a mini pity party for yourself. Make a call to the acupuncturist, and then let the trust you have placed in your Dr. guide your path. I love you. Dani
Hi Jill. Thank you for the post as it helps me concentrate my energy on specifics to promote healing. I hope you feel stronger today(Tuesday) and that the fresh air, walking, and time has lessened the nausea and weakness you felt.
ReplyDeleteYou are a Warrior Goddess that is kicking cancer's butt.
Signs and symptoms of Ovarian Cancer checkout here
ReplyDelete