Memory Loss

I don't know if it's from the chemo or from being 50, but I have discovered one form of memory loss that's valuable. I can re-read books because I have no recollection of them. Yesterday I read a book titled Kiss (If you wonder why my book titles are written incorrectly, it's because I can't figure out how to format) that Sydney gave me. I knew, from the first page, I had read it before. It didn't matter because I had no idea what was going to happen. I enjoyed it as much as I did the first time, and again I read it in one day. I'm pretty sure I read it just a few months ago, but that is hazy too. I figure this gives me twice as any books to read!

One thing I know for sure is that I am much happier when I am involved in a good book. Lately I keep starting a book and putting it down because it doesn't capture my interest. I'm a firm believer in only reading books that captivate me, but I have been abandoning a larger number than usual. When that happens, a really good book can jump start my interest in reading in general and get me going again. Sometimes I'm just not ready for a book. Often I will abandon a novel only to rediscover it later and love it. I'm grateful that Pat Conroy has jump started my reading again. I tend to feel dissatisfied when I'm not reading something. It's an essential part of who I am, and I feel incomplete when I'm not involved in a book. Finishing a good book is very satisfying, but bittersweet because it feels like saying goodbye to a friend. I find I have to start another one soon, or I feel a bit sad.

I love my week off chemo. Yesterday I did all the laundry, made lunch and cooked dinner, took a walk and cleaned the kitchen. Oh, and I read a book! When I am able to complete these household tasks it makes me happy because it takes some of the burden off of Casey. It also feels good to be useful again after lying in bed getting waited on for four days. Cathy is coming over for yoga this morning, Jean is coming Thursday morning, I'm going to the studio for a class on New Year's Day (first studio class since September), and Jean will be here again Sunday. Four yoga classes this week! My New Year's resolution is to practice daily, with or without one of my teachers, and to meditate daily. These are the things that will make me strong and ensure the monster stays gone for good.

Namaste, Jill