Yoga is Yummy.

It never fails to amaze me, how wonderful I feel after practicing yoga. It makes me feel energized yet calm and centered at the same time. Doing the poses causes my arms and legs to wobble these days, but I can feel that chi energy zinging through my body. I picture it eradicating those nasty cancer cells for good. I had a private with Cathy yesterday and another this morning with Jean (French pronunciation, Jean is a guy). I am betting that I will recover from today's chemo faster because of the yoga. Yoga has taught me to tune in to my spiritual self.

Before I go in for a chemo treatment, I indulge in a little positive self talk. I tell my body that, although the chemo is harsh and makes us sick, it is killing the cancer and saving our life. Yes, I said us. I tend to speak to my body as something separate. This is something that just sort of happened. I know that this body is a temporary thing, but my spirit is eternal. I am very aware of that connection, but it has become clear to me that my spirit is the guiding force helping my poor, battered body fight this disease.

It has been 12 weeks since my surgery. I have recovered a great deal of my physical strength and all of my spiritual strength. I confess to feeling weak in both areas immediately following the surgery and for awhile afterward. I was so ill and so unable to function. I was suffering from anxiety in the evenings and that scared me and made me wonder if I would have the same strength to fight I had the first time. Losing my mom so soon after surgery played a role in this also. Whenever I am sick I want my mommy, and although I felt her presence I longed for her to be with me in the flesh. My private yoga classes helped me with both kinds of strength. My first class with Jean he kept having to hold onto me so I wouldn't fall over. He had to help me get upright after most poses. Yesterday I was able to come up after triangle pose with no problem. I am still awkward getting up and down off the floor and I won't be doing a hand stand anytime soon, but it is so gratifying to see my strength returning.

I have some very pissed off stomach muscles. It hurts like hell to laugh. It hurts to sneeze or hiccup. Throwing up is agony. Having the same incision twice takes much longer to recover from, obviously. The muscles and the scar tissue need to be stretched, and I can't imagine how I would do that without yoga.

I have so many things to be grateful for. Yoga in general and Cathy and Jean specifically are such blessings in my life. Not only for the yoga, but also because they are both such wise, wonderful people and I feel honored to call them my friends. Cancer and yoga have combined to make me brave. There was a time in my life when I would never have taken a one on one class with a yoga teacher. The first time I went to Cathy's studio I took Susan along because I was chicken to go alone. Thank goodness I conquered that silly fear!

Jean and I dedicated one class together to finding my mantra. It ended up being "Yoga saved my life." I am counting on it to do it again.

Cathy and Jean both use the word "yummy" to describe the way yoga feels I couldn't agree more.
Namaste, Jill