Results and Treatment

One of my test results is in and the news is good. The CT/PET scan showed no signs of cancer and all of the places that lit up (it lights up the cancer) prior to surgery are dark now. The CA125 is a blood test. Normal range is 35 and under. When I was first diagnosed my CA125 was 185 and by the end of treatment it was 9. It went up to 11, then 22, then 156. It's a bad sign when it doubles, but other factors can influence it so we were hoping it wasn't cancer until last August, when I actually found a lump that was visible externally. This time I started with 156 and it was 95 after surgery. The goal is under 35, but single digits are what we really hope for. They say the number you get after 3 rounds of treatment, which is where I am now, is a good indicator that there won't be a recurrence. Of course, it's all a bit of a guessing game. My oncologist was certain I would not have a recurrence because I had a top notch surgeon who was certain she got it all, because I responded so well to the chemo and my numbers were so good, and because of my positive attitude. He also told me, at one point, that if I did recur he would probably advise me to do nothing for five years because my cancer was slow growing and because in five years there will be better treatments. Then it came back and was so big I had to have surgery again!! This cancer is difficult to predict.

The first thing I asked both my surgeon and my oncologist was if they thought I'd be able to work during treatment. You may remember that he said he usually doesn't recommend it, but he knows how much I love my job and if anyone could do it, I could. That was wishful thinking. Not only are my white cell counts too low to risk it, I also have minimum eight days a month where I have an appointment or treatment and I'd need a sub. Add that to the days I am too nauseous to get out of bed and I'm not there much. It's not good for kids to have a different teacher all the time. They need a routine and consistency. My stamina is also an issue. I have progressed to the point where I can do several loads of laundry, but just two weeks ago one did me in and putting it away had me napping afterward. Teaching six classes a day takes a lot of stamina and energy, and as much as I miss my kids I'm just not well enough.

If you saw me, you'd be surprised that I don't look sick. My appetite is excellent except for the four days after chemo when I don't feel well. So, my weight is normal and my scale is actually creeping up to the too high mark. I figure I need the padding before I start the harsher chemo! My hair is thin, and it doesn't look too great because I haven't had it cut or styled in four months, but I'm not bald...yet. That should happen in March. I am now walking all the way around the loop in our neighborhood that covers two blocks, where just tree weeks ago I was struggling to walk around our backyard. I am practicing yoga with both Jean and Cathy, so I am getting at least one, and sometimes two or three, sessions a week. I am pleased and surprised at how quickly I am regaining my strength, because for eight weeks after the surgery I felt like I would be weak forever.

I know I tend to write too much about yoga, but it is the number one weapon in my arsenal. I have practiced before my last two chemo sessions, and the nausea is less afterward. I am doing poses that surprise me, Jean and Cathy! It is really helping to stretch out my poor muscles and scar tissue in my belly. It used to feel like there wasn't enough skin to cover my stomach, and it hurt to get up, laugh, sneeze, cough, etc. My skin feels like there is enough of it now, and yesterday I sneezed for the first time without pain. I could feel it pulling, but it didn't hurt. The surgery was three months ago yesterday, and I am finally feeling somewhat healed.

I have been hoping that I would be able to return to my classroom for the fourth quarter. I will finish my current chemo regimen in February, then I will have four rounds of IP chemo directly into my abdomen. There will be one to two weeks between sessions, depending on how I tolerate it. As I said recently, that is the chemo that I did not tolerate well the first time around. At the very end I may have some radiation. It is looking like I will not finish treatment until May or June. This means I will not be able to return to work this year. I apologize to my wonderful kids. I so enjoyed the brief time we had together, and I am so sad to miss out on being your teacher. It will take me months to recover from the treatment. I will be back at school next fall, but I will be bald, probably too thin, easily tired and my brain will not be as sharp as usual. I am already noticing that my spelling ability is being affected again.

I will be there in August, and I will never be out for a year again, because I am kicking cancer's butt, for good!!

Namaste, Jill