Danny stayed until yesterday morning because he was "sleeping so well" at our house. Our guest room bed is a very comfy queen, and it stays very dark in there. It was great to have Danny and his happy energy around for a few days. He pines for his son, Grayson, who is four, so it's a treat to have him stay for so long. Danny has been a great friend to me for 30 years, and he's that rare guy who stays in touch with his friends. He is the glue that keeps our old Rock n' Roll gang in touch, and we love him for it.
Everyone is well at Susan's house! We are going to see each other Friday, which is her day off. I plan to go to Morro Bay unless my doctor has set up a treatment for me this week. In that case she will come to my house. Sydney is finally almost well and plans to come Friday night. I hope I don't have another treatment until next week. I would like to be feeling good and out of bed this time while Sydney's here!
A few people have asked me if I'm nervous or anxious about seeing my oncologist and getting results today. The answer is no. I tend to think positively until there is a reason to think otherwise. My scan three rounds ago was clear, so there's no reason to think it's anything but clear now. My CA125 went down 40 points from after surgery to after three rounds. I'm positive it went down, the only question is how much? I have no idea if Dr. Spillane will tell me I'm finished with treatment if that number is low enough...but I kind of doubt it. I'm thinking he's going to want to do the IP chemo as an extra precaution. I would love to be finished, but I also want to do everything possible to make sure it is gone for good. I am looking forward to hearing the fate of my hair - do I shave it off or do I look for natural hair color?
I have been reading the List Serve again lately (written by women who have either ovarian cancer or fallopian tube cancer) and I've noticed two things. There are plenty of women who had a recurrence a year or so out, and now have gone ten years or more cancer free. Inspiring. I also noticed that some of them make reference to the fact that they are clear "for now" or until "next time." One woman commented: "I'm in remission for now, we'll see how long it lasts this time." I can see how one can get this attitude, especially if there are multiple recurrences or secondary cancers. I really think it's a counterproductive attitude. Every doctor I see and everything I've read speaks of the positive attitude being a key factor in recovering for good. I do so much visualizing and so many people are praying, meditating, etc for me...I don't see how the outcome could be anything but positive!
This is how I may look again soon:
Namaste, Jill
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