Casey

Insomnia. As soon as I take a break from my anti-nausea medication it comes back. It takes me two hours to fall asleep, I can't stay asleep, and I wake up way too early. This morning Casey and I both woke up at 4 am, but didn't realize we were both lying there awake until around 5. He had to get up twice at 4 am for a skype call from India and now he has developed a habit. I slept about 4 hours last night, and woke up several times during that time. Given the yoga yesterday and the walk we took, I should have slept soundly. I have tried everything - yoga poses, ambien, a hot bath, sleepytime tea...nothing works. They gave me 12 mg ambien that apparently puts most people out for 20 hours and it only lasts for me for about 4 hours. Tylenol pm works, but I can't take that several times a week.

While I was lying awake this morning I was thinking about how lucky I am to have Casey. I do believe I have the world's most wonderful husband. He went for a night mountain bike ride last night because Susan and the kids were coming over, and even when I feel well he won't leave me home alone. The first time I was sick, there were a few times when I would become violently ill out of the blue. It was always after I had chemo in my belly port, and I haven't even had that yet, but he still doesn't leave me. He wanted to drive me to yoga yesterday - I have only driven Stella Blue twice since September. He takes me to every chemo session and doctor's appointment. He asked me to marry him after the cancer diagnosis, when the future was uncertain and I was not much fun. When I'm sick, he waits on me, checks on me constantly, does all of the grocery shopping, cooking, takes care of the dogs...pretty much everything. He makes me laugh, all of the time. He has a silly side that fits perfectly with mine. Neither one of us likes to argue or fight so we never do. No one could take better care of me than Casey does. The Anti Cancer book talks about how people who feel loved and cared for have a much better chance of survival, and he certainly does that for me. Whenever I have had a scary medical procedure I am comforted just by holding his hand. Being married to Casey has a lot to do with my positive attitude and my strength. In the beginning, after the surgery, I was suffering from anxiety in the evenings. He would come and sit by my side, play his guitar and sing to me. He is a very talented guitar player and singer-songwriter. He has written lots of songs for me. Every day I'm thankful for Casey and I wonder how I would manage this journey without him. I am a lucky, grateful woman and I love him with all that I am.

Namaste, Jill