Happiness!

It's a beautiful, sunny, Sunday morning. I went to bed early and slept like a rock. I feel great today! Casey is going on a mountain bike ride. I'm thinking Bella and I may attempt the trail today. We live near a trail that accesses the Jim Green Trail, which goes around Chalk Mountain near the golf course. The trail that goes to the trail is fairly steep and makes me pant a bit even when I'm not dealing with cancer. I have not felt up to it so far, but I'm inspired by the chapter in the Anti cancer book on exercise. The author ran with his dog throughout his year long treatment, and he wrote about one woman who took up karate. I know yoga is keeping me strong, but I need to step up my walks. When you are undergoing treatment they caution you about not dealing with animal feces. For this reason, I can't take Ben unless Casey goes too. Ben always poops, even when we just go around the block. My Bella has only pooped while on the leash twice since we've had her! It's hard to leave Ben behind - I have to put him outside and sneak out, hoping he doesn't notice and get his doggie feelings hurt.

I feel noticeably better since I have been making more conscious choices about my diet. When I eat something I shouldn't, I start to feel what I describe as squishy. My stomach starts to feel squishy. Casey is always trying to figure out exactly what that means! It's not full on nausea...hard to describe. The muscles in my stomach felt crunchy while they were healing and I can't really explain that, either. I can say that it no longer hurts at all to laugh, sneeze, or cough, and that's a beautiful thing! I can sit up in bed like a normal person, I can turn onto my stomach while having a massage or sleeping, and I can get out of the bathtub without too much difficulty. Taking a shower feels wonderful again. It was torture to shower for the first two months after surgery

and impossible to sit up to get out of the tub. I have always taken fast showers, but now I find myself in there much longer, luxuriating in the fact that it feels good again. Cancer makes you appreciate the little things.

I have always been a person who is made easily happy. My mom used to laugh and say "You're such a simple child." As a child I was shy and quiet (hard to imagine if you didn't know me then, I know) and played for hours by myself. I have never been someone who is afraid to be alone. I have lived alone more than once in my life. I went to Reggae on the River alone five years in a row. Before I met Casey I used to take my dogs, Molly Jones and Margy, and go up to Big Sur camping alone. This is on my mind because Sabrina posted a beautiful video about being alone. I think it's important to learn how to be alone and happy with yourself. This is the way to becoming more self aware and to loving yourself. If you don't love you, why would anyone else love you? It starts in your own heart.

So, do something today to nourish your soul and make yourself happy. Get some exercise, eat a healthy meal, hug your dog and send a shout out to the universe for your good health. Send one out for me too - the cancer is vanquished and it's NEVER coming back. Cancer cannot survive against the power of my mind and the minds of all of the people who love me!

Namaste,
Jill